Recently I was trying to calculate the ideal life span. I remember saying to my father earlier this year, “I think 80 years is enough.” He laughed and said, “I did too, until I was about to turn 80!”
A few months later, my father had a massive stroke and left the earth 3 days later, on August 6, 2021. I think my father looked forward to the sleep, a deep slumber that lovingly beckons the weary traveler.
Then on September 1, my friend, Dan, asked me to call him, please. He doesn’t ask for anything – ever. The first time he asked me to call him was many years before when he received the first diagnosis of a tumor, on his tonsil. I remember sitting outside Sloan Kettering in my car until they took him into surgery, so I could go upstairs and wait with his wife through the surgery. Afterward, in recovery, there was a palpable relief across the board, patient, surgeon, family and friends. But cancer came back three more times until the doctors called a TKO in cancer’s favor…and now we wait.
He told me September 1st and then on September 28th I was invited to speak with him and his wife about…what happens next, I suppose. I’m one of their only close friends who has an understanding of a higher power they are willing to hear about, I guess. I didn’t ask, “Why me?” – I just got in the fucking car.
I was shocked to see him in an already advanced state of dying. But so grateful for the opportunity to be with him again…I stayed the night and talked about anything and everything they wanted to talk about.
The next morning was overwhelmed with a message that I felt was meant for him…so I wrote him an email.
Later, I shared that email with my amazing husband, to give him a sense of why I was there:
My time with Dan and Maris was essentially teaching the dying how to come to terms with death – and teaching his wife how to show up for him – while braving her next journey – solo.
I know this is how God wants to use me…and I am grateful that you support and love me through it.
Oh boy…
There are zero accounts of the dying, through spontaneous utterances as they leave this earthly plane and those who have had near-death experiences, describing darkness or an emptiness before them. The reports always include an overwhelming feeling of peace and complete contentment – such as they had never known before.
That is why I say, ‘we leave this life, not to be WITH _____ but to be OF _____.’ (Insert your own conception of the Creative Force of the Universe)
To me, that extraordinary feeling the dying have shared reflects a joyful rejoining. They do not speak of the anticipation of an exciting adventure, but are drawn to a Light and Love, unparalleled in their life experience.
If, as I believe, we are here to raise our vibration and/or to help raise the vibrations of others, our Energy, of course, must carry on…our Energy is part of the Creative Force of the Universe, ever expanding (the scientists do agree on this, just with a different context in mind). We cannot die, we merely leave behind this finite and miraculous machine of flesh and bone.
Our “feelings” in life help us to identify that which is good and that which is bad for us. However, those feelings are tempered by our own consciousness (level of vibration). When the vibration is low we are driven by our baser instincts, make babies, seek shelter, eat and repeat. As the speed of our vibration increases, we are drawn to more complex satisfactions – esoteric pleasures and challenges. As we continue to age, we can choose how we live out our time (because, my darling, all of our clocks are winding down). The choices we make either increase or decrease our vibration. If our consciousness expands with inclusivity, our vibration increases. If our desire turns to greed, if our personal interest turns to selfishness and our concern turns to paralyzing fear our vibration decreases, thus shutting us off from the Sunlight of the Spirit.
You have increased your vibration as you have learned from your life experience. You have reached toward others rather than turning away; you have done work, that only you could do, on behalf of those wronged and victimized. You have chosen to love completely regardless of the chance of being hurt.
These things raise your vibration. You are a teacher, a mentor and an example. You fought personal battles because those you loved asked you to fight. You took responsibility where there was a void. You are fully and completely yourself, without apology. More time here would certainly offer you additional opportunities to do what you do, in many instances what you’ve already done. However, I believe that if you look thoughtfully over your life-cycles and accomplishments, you will see, as I do, that you have always 1) Worked, 2) Accomplished/Learned, and 3) Moved Forward
Although we often embrace the illusion that we are living with others, in truth we are along side each other, but remain individuals. We each take our own journey, often our paths parallel the paths of the ones we love the most (or have the most to learn from). When our paths ultimately diverge, it closes this chapter of the adventure, but not the journey itself.
My human-ness will miss your human-ness, but I will never be without you, nor you me. Our connection was remade when our hearts recognized each other so long ago – it was not broken by our absence from each other, before or since.
I cannot thank you enough for being an immovable force of Love and Friendship in my life.
I am here. Always.
Dan shuffled off his mortal coil on December 6, 2021 with his lovely wife by his side after several more espressos, dinners with friends and puppy cuddles – and I miss him.
