My friend, Lee, and I live odd parallel lives. She takes some of life’s hits for me and I for her – but sometimes we are following too closely behind – miles and miles apart.
This time it was the death of our father’s. Well, Lee’s dad left this earth- but it was my father who died.
I have never taken the time to write about him…I can hardly breathe when I think of being in the world without him. I hope he never reads this because it will pierce his heart – because he loves so hard.
My baby brother – that I didn’t want. (I thought it would be better to have a little sister.) What did I know about boys? Nothin’ – nor was I interested in learning about them. But then they brought that little piglet home. Lord, he was a happy baby (in the daytime). He didn’t sleep all night until he was speaking in complete sentences – but that wasn’t my problem. hee hee
I have been thinking about the Hawthorne Effect – the observation of people influences the behavior of same. [This is somewhat different than the theory from physics – that something observed is changed – simply be the observation of same.] It is my experience that when my boss is watching my interaction with a client, my energy with that client is different than when no one is watching my interactions.
I have always been equally adoring of and appalled by my mother. Growing up, there were little snippets of stories about those she knew, met, slept with, laughed with and told off. Her constant commentary on my achievements, my funny sayings, my challenges and my successes – all of which made me uncomfortable in a way I could not explain. I remember very little about growing up. I have maintained a tiny internal hard drive of snapshots and blurred images of my childhood – and not much more than that from my adulthood.
Full moons fuck me up…not gonna lie. March 28, 2021 was a full moon. That night I slept about 2.5 hours. Woke up at 1:30a like I had slept for 9+ hours and was late for work!
There’s all kinds of crap going on with state legislatures creating and passing laws that impact minority and/or low income voters – including the state of Georgia, including a provision that prevents people from distributing water to voters waiting in line to vote!
What is the intersection here that compelled me to write this post?
“You know what I call someone who doesn’t tell me the whole truth?”
I leaned in, as if my friend, Laura, was about to share the secret to maneuvering the world! She continued:
“A LIAR!”
I think the most terrifying thing for a teacher must be the moment between giving everything they have to give and the student’s realization or incorporation of the new information or understanding.
I have been a student of spiritual principles and practices for nearly 4 decades, at this writing. Throughout there have been moments of discovery that changed my self-awareness forever; there have been great lengths of time when I’ve lived with a new perspective of life and my place in it. I’ve had to process loss, rage, grief, anger, fear, humiliation and victory. I’ve also uncovered and celebrated joy. Unadulterated joy. Happiness. Freedom. The unbearable lightness of being – a book, a movie and an experience.
At this point in my life (and throughout the last few decades, but now in a more conscious way) I am a teacher as well as a student. I consult my Teachers and practice those lessons – and try to share my experience, strength and optimistic truth with others, by request.
The words/concepts that have been uppermost in my mind of late are: Acceptance, Honesty, Joy, and Adventure. I often change a single day into an adventure by using the phrase “what if” with myself and others. WHAT IF I am a divine and integral piece of the cosmic puzzle – and my contributions are required to move the storyline for myself and others forward? Then live in that reality.
There are other versions that seem to relieve the burden of the world from our shoulders:
WHAT IF…
…I have no control over my loved ones and have been given an opportunity to love them no matter what?
…I am not responsible for the choices or the consequences of my family members?
…I was born to accept peace as my natural state – and share that reality with others?
…I choose acceptance of all things as a starting place for each day?
These are ways to put my imagination to use to serve God and those about me without forcing or enforcing any of my selfish beliefs (or ‘good ideas’) on or upon others.
I have found JOY in releasing my expectations – and communicating my desires.
I have found JOY in delivering upon my commitments and being in service to my family, friends, work partners and organizations that I support.
I have new adventures ahead of me – each one usually means facing down a demon or releasing a false narrative about myself or others. I am grateful for the consciousness of adventure – and the willingness to participate.
What adventures are you planning?
I have a lot of smart friends. I have a lot of friends who feel passionately about what has happened over the last five years – on both sides. I have no idea how anyone can support the Trump family. However, I do have some idea about how government works; some idea about how pyramid schemes and corporate entities work; some idea about how utilities and broadcast media work; some idea about how healthcare sciences and technology work; Thanks to my husband some idea about the military works and thanks to my college friend, some idea about how the courts work.
Oh My God – I’m so angry. Oh My God – I’m so hurt. Oh My God – I’m so afraid.
I am so certain. I am so right. I am so passionate. I am so hate-filled.
Oh My God – I am so wrong.
Trump encouraged his followers to march on the Capital building.
They took his encouragement and overran that building, holding nearly all of the federal lawmakers, including the Vice President of the United States, hostage. They shut down the business of our government and put those sworn to protect our lawmakers at risk FOR NO REASON having to do with governing our country.
The ideals of our nation were put asunder and chaos reigned in our country’s capital city.
Insurrection. Sedition. Seige. Treason. Assault. Hostage. Coup.
These are words that accurately reflect the activities of American citizens who are unwilling to accept the outcome of a legally challenged national election. Well…not exactly, they are only protesting part of the outcome. They want a little do-over for the president part.
No matter how you color it…our government was shut down today at the behest of the sitting president.
If you still support him after this. Fuck you.
Really. Just fuck you. I got nothin’ for ya’.