Absolutely, I could be updating you every single day – with fears, revelations and pictures of my dogs, sleeping. There are a couple reasons for my silence.
- I am working my ass off (I am working from home updating and re-updating lists of meetings that are essential information for a select few.) I have worked more hours for my part-time job during the past month than the 3 months before that!
- I’m pretty angry – and who needs more of that in their lives right now?
I’m 3 degrees away from several deaths; may have already survived COVID-19, having come off my 2 week quarantine on March 27 after 3 days of fever, awful body aches – and absolutely no taste. Couldn’t taste anything, didn’t want to eat anything – which is 100% not my way. That’s my personal update as far as the actual illness is concerned.
Minimal compared to what I would like to say about the government’s handling of this nightmare. Not quite as much as I have to say about my friends who are theorizing conspiracies and still less than what I have to say about other friends who won’t wear masks and still have friends over.
But why bother? My complete lack of control where all of those things are concerned is really, REALLY what makes me so angry. I often say, “God will get our attention” – collectively or individually – we will be startled into new thinking or behaving – or suffer the pains of not doing so. So, the hardest part for me is staying focused on my own feelings – and dealing with them appropriately.
I have to make space for the fact that God has my attention and acknowledge how much I don’t want to hear the message or take the direction (even when I want to). Change is now required; An amendment to my old behaviors and beliefs.
[I DON’T WANNA! I DON’T WANNA! I DON’T WANNA!]
I’m posting this to remind myself this is how I choose to live my life. I welcome change (even when I don’t) and I look forward to the discovering what lies beneath the mess and clutter of the way I “was” living (even when I don’t).
I’ve learned that change is not painful – resistance to change is painful. So, in fact, this pain is self-inflicted. Ain’t that a bitch?!
So while I’m learning to accept – there is a wee part of me that is still kicking like wild (miniature) horse trying to keep the bridle off my neck and the bit out of my mouth. I probably can’t do much damage, but I am going to be exhausted once I finally give up the fight.
PS Fuck you, Donald Trump
PPS – See? I’m still struggling.
Be safe out there.
