I do know from experience that coming into recovery – from whatever obsession/allergy one may suffer with – is a feat unto itself. However, that’s not the miracle. In recovery not eating, drinking, gambling, or whatever is merely the price of admission. A conscious life is the real miracle.
Addicts walk a path of destruction – whether we are “using” or not, because we are self-centered. (Try to read that last word with an emphasis on ‘centered’. It will change your thinking about the concept.) We are all ‘centered’ in something. Perhaps it’s a shifting focus. People can be God-centered, family-centered, work-centered, or love-centered depending on their responsibilities. In my experience, the addict’s self obsession is a form of fear. Addicts suffer from an overwhelming fear – for which the solution is delusion. The delusion is not simply that our substance or activity that feeds our habit is necessary for us to be happy or well. An addict’s delusion is multi-dimensional – and includes a belief that we are special, victimized, in control, and misunderstood – all at the same time. The delusion must be complex enough to keep our very active brains engaged at all times. When faced with Reality (our own, very specific reality), we are often stunned into a momentary frozen silence. Those of us who go on to recover call this our moment of clarity. Others experience this as the impetus to keep moving, faster still, away from what is real.
What addicts cannot see while living in their delusion is the self-destructive nature of their choices/decisions – because we feel our choices are life-saving. The need for immediate ease and comfort outweighs the life-taking or life-ending consequences of our actions. In addiction, relief trumps reality every time. And so the addict continues their dance with death, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, depending on the addiction.
Moving into recovery is a very private, life-saving decision (that family and friends often take very personally). Most of us only make that move when we feel that continuing on our current path will indeed take away whatever is left of what we love or dream of being. Facing the addiction, the delusion and the consequences of same is a daunting task, no doubt. But the life that comes back to us, exponentially faster than it left us, is more remarkable than most healthy (Read: non-addicted) people may ever make space for.
The miracle of the Mystery becomes apparent to those of us who decide to recover. That is something we could not have counted on – but come to rely on always.
